Breaking Dawn Part 2

So this one continues exactly off the back of the last one.  Bella is still annoying beyond belief (not helped by Kristen Stewart sighing after every sentence), Edward  is still smug and annoying.  The Volturi are back finally and there is a pretty epic battle which is what this series has been calling out for but too little too late and then they hit you with the biggest stinker in the world of script/story writing... SPOILER ALERT... oh but that didn't really happen, aka it was all a dream and everyone is fine and in love and the world is wonderful (wow that's original, no one's done that before... oh wait... no, it's been done to death)!!!  Unacceptable and frankly I don't know why I am even surprised.  At least it's all over now!

Beerfest

First things first, this film is stupid, it is also completely ridiculous and has a story plot that I haven't seen used in a long time... spoiler alert (like you'll care)... a character dies and is replaced by his twin that no one knew about! There is however something vaguely amusing about everything, probably the funniest thing is the crazy (and very stereotypical) accents which are completely over the top and too stupid to be offensive. It's a short and easy film to watch if you've got little else to do.

Cheers!

Wrath of the Titans

Well after the pretty average remake of Clash of the Titans was I really expecting the sequel to be any better, probably not but I am an optimist! Anyhow, surprise surprise it is not very good, sure it looks quite good and there are some concepts that are done very well like the labyrinth, but the story is unbelievably boring.  With all of these fantastic fictional characters with a rich history they really deserved to be given a whole lot more story.

There were some bits which were frankly laughable, trying to stop fire demons with fire... yes really... and then Andromeda orders her men to attack, she runs off head first into the battle whilst her men form up a wall of shields behind her and start slowly advancing, utterly stupid.  I don't know how they managed to get so many of the original cast back! Also Rosamund Pike is no Alexa Davalos.

Lost S01E22 – Born to Run

Just like buses, nothing for a while and two come along at once.  This is another distinctly average episode, get back to the hatch and other weird and wonderful stuff.  Ok, so Walt telling Locke not to open it was a little spooky but that was pretty much it.  This episode follows Kate and her inability to stay in one place for too long, we also find out who owned the toy aeroplane she carries around.  Not really a lot more to report on this one I'm afraid, at least I have the three part finale next!

Lost S01E21 – The Greater Good

Well, I said I was due an average episode and this was it.  Nice to get it out of the way before the next episode and the three part finale.  There wasn't really much substance to this one, Sayid takes Locke into the woods to find out if he was telling the truth, but then we've seen what really happened so no big surprises there.  We also see that Sayid had a chance to not be on flight 815 like everyone else.  Jack's pretty much incapacitated for most of the episode and we learn that Sawyer is a baby whisperer!!!  Hard stopping myself yawning just thinking about.  Bring on the next one, quick!

The Darkest Hour

Another apocalyptic invasion, another promising premise, another failed attempt.  So far the best film of the nature I've seen recently is Battle: Los Angeles.  There are some promising moments like the initial invasion, which we only see for about ten minutes.  Then we watch another four or five days of four people sat in a room condensed into five minutes.  By the time they come out all of the inhabitants of Moscow appear to have been vaporised.

Those four days would have been the most interesting part of the story, the struggle to survive, running from the invaders.  Kind of like Skyline but hopefully with more interesting characters.

Underworld: Awakening

This film ticks so many boxes that I am guaranteed to watch it.  Vampires – ding, werewolves – ding, lots of action – ding, Kate Beckinsale in a leather corset – ding, ding, ding… we have a winner!  All that said however I am left feeling slightly disappointed.  The story was almost beyond predictable and lacked any real punch or intrigue.  No doubt they will make another, which is fine I’m more than likely to watch it (feels kind of like the Resident Evil series, if they keep making them I’ll keep watching them), but I’d be much happier if they worked on the story a bit more.

Lost S01E12 – Whatever the Case May Be

So it took a while before this episode revealed whose flashbacks we would be enjoying and eventually it turned out to be Kate.  The whole episode revolved around a case Kate and Sawyer found whilst swimming in a pool.  A case that Sawyer couldn't open and Kate was desperate to get.  Long story short there are some guns in there and a personal item that belonged to Kate.  This is a very slow episode and not a great deal happens.  There wasn't really any outlandish unanswerable questions and certainly no real revelations.  It would have been hard for a good episode to follow the last two so maybe this is a sacrificial episode so they can get back to the good stuff.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

I saw the trailer for this about a month ago and it blew me away... that is were this tale sadly ends!  This was nothing like the trailer, the trailer was fast paced, aggressive and comedic in a slightly absurd way.  In reality it was much slower, almost period drama slow in places, and the vampires were almost as scary as those found in Buffy the Vampire slayer or maybe even Sesame Street!  There were some entertaining moments but they were few and far between.

The most notable thing throughout was the over reliance (to the point of obsession) on 3D effects and I'd rather see an end to all this 3D nonsense and some actual focus of clever and funny stories.  Also Ab seemed to age far faster than his best friend who looked pretty much the same the whole way through (and no not his vampire friend)!

Film 333/365, Day 349/365 – Franklyn

Dark, arty and a little slow.  The story is ok but doesn’t do enough to make up for the first thirty minutes where you are desperately trying to work out just what is going on.  The ending finally managed to pull the story together a bit more but not quite enough to get it more than two stars.

Synopsis:  Three dark and tragic stories that are more interwoven than they may seem.  A man ditched at the altar, an artist whose work centres around suicide and a man desperate to avenge a death he was unable to prevent.

Film 332/365, Day 348/365 – Vamp

Classic ‘80s comedy horror.  Grace Jones, whilst not having the sex appeal of Salma Hayek in From Dusk till Dawn as the head stripper/vampire, cannot ever be accused of not committing to the role, she is insanely brilliant or brilliantly insane, either one is fine.  This not the greatest film but is a fine of example of the sort of films that were being pushed in the ‘80s.

Synopsis:  Two college kids are tasked with getting a stripper for a party.  Desperate to impress they head to a strip club to hire a stripper.  Unfortunately for them the club is run by vampires.

Film 331/365, Day 347/365 – Naked Weapon

Lots of over choreographed fight scenes which use camera tricks and wires to hide any real martial arts skills.  Basically, do you like good looking women who kick ass but only after relying on their sex appeal to get close to their targets?  If not, move along there because there is not a lot else going on here!  

Synopsis:  Forty twelve to thirteen year old girls are kidnapped and taken to an isolated island and trained as assassins for six years.  It’s kill or be killed for these girls as they have to quickly decide whether to fall in line or not.

Film 319/365, Day 338/365 – X-Men: The Last Stand

Too many characters and not enough substance.  This is definitely the worst of the three X-Men films, the story is nowhere near as strong as the previous two.  It would appear that what happened to the third Austin Powers film has happened here, where they have tried to accommodate everyone that wanted to be involved at the expense of the story.

Synopsis:  A cure for mutations has been developed and the government are looking to eradicate mutations and Magneto is determined not to allow that to happen.  Also Jean Grey has returned from the dead and isn’t acting like herself.

Film 311/365, Day 333/365 – Shaft

Shaft is one smooth and cool, whilst also being violent and actually quite angry, but then it is Samuel L. Jackson and he does it so well.  There is a fair bit of action, lots of baddies that couldn’t hit a barn door with a banjo from two paces yet Shaft can pick them off without really paying attention.  Good but not that good.

Synopsis:  New York detective John Shaft is investigating a racially motivated murder which could have been committed by the son of a wealthy real estate tycoon.  Shaft is determined to get to the bottom of things whilst everything seems to be going against him.

Film 310/365, Day 332/365 – Snakes on a Plane

This is a stupid film, but to go in thinking anything other than that is stupider.  The story is exactly as you would expect and whilst there are some big names, obviously Samuel L. Jackson, it doesn’t do enough to make this more than some gratuitous fun that cannot and should not be taken seriously.

Synopsis:  A kid witnesses a murder by a notorious gangster who now wants him dead, especially as he’s in FBI custody and is heading to LA to testify against him.  Determined to make sure that that never happens he has arranged for a special package to go on the same plane, a crate containing hundreds of deadly snakes.

Film 305/365, Day 329/365 – Superman – Doomsday

Not bad, but also not brilliant.  The story is ok, but Doomsday is not involved nearly enough and stuff keeps getting revealed far too early.  The animation is ok, but again not brilliant.  I expected more if I’m honest.

Synopsis:  Lex Luther unwittingly unleashes a monster that has been trapped deep beneath the surface of the Earth which goes on a killing rampage.  Can Superman stop Doomsday before he destroys all of Metropolis?

Film 301/365, Day 327/365 – Eclipse

The pale melodramatic teenagers are back, but thankfully so are the wolves and this time there is a vampire army to deal with which gets a big thumbs up from me.  Sadly no Michael Sheen in this one and whilst the story isn’t awful I have decided that it is the two main characters that are my biggest problem with it, Bella and Edward, that and teenage love stories... teenagers fall in love every other week, get over it already!

Synopsis:  Victoria is so determined to avenge James by killing Bella that she is developing a vampire army to attack the Cullens.  With Bella in the firing line the wolves form a temporary alliance with the vampires so as to protect her from the advancing army.

Film 294/365, Day 323/365 – Bridesmaids

Cosmopolitan said “Better than the Hangover”... yeah, right, on what planet?  This is billed as the girl’s version of the Hangover, if you go into it expecting that you will be extremely disappointed.  There are some funny moments, but they are so few and far between that they aren’t really worth waiting for.  Ironically the funniest moment of the film happened after the credits began to roll!

Synopsis:  Annie’s life is falling apart, however she has just been asked to be her life-long friend’s maid of honour.  She’s happy for her but that doesn’t stop things getting worse and soon her life is spiralling out of control.

Film 285/365, Day 317/365 – Bad Teacher

Occasionally funny and mostly predictable.  It’s not your average Rom-Com although it does follow some of the usual steps.  Diaz’s character is despicable and has some funny moments whilst Timberlake’s character is both absurd and bizarre!  Not too much more to it than that really.

Synopsis:  Elizabeth Halsey has just completed her first and last year as a teacher, now she is off to marry her rich fiancé... well that’s what she thought.  He has now finally realised that she is just with him for his money and has kicked her out.  Now she will have to go back to teaching until something better comes along!

Film 264/365, Day 290/365 – Evil Aliens

Completely bonkers!  This is not for anyone squeamish as it opens with a rather nasty scene involving an alien probe.  However this really needs to be watched if only for the scene where one of the TV crew chases the aliens around a field in a combine harvester all whilst the Wurzels’ classic song about a combine harvester plays in the background.  Bizarre!

Synopsis:  When a girl on a remote Welsh island claims to have impregnated by aliens the Weird World TV crew shows up to document the event.  Used to recording hoaxes and mental cases they are shocked to discover that there are actually aliens and they’re not very nice either.